Why I finally decided to make my own blog

 Right after my first daughter was born, I suffered from postpartum depression and was never treated for it. This obviously put a hold on my life, my daughter and my family. No one knew I was going through this or at least I thought they didn’t. I hid it so well, that I started to believe this was the new me. The things that always brought me great joy, suddenly didn’t. For a while I felt numb all over and didn’t know how to bring myself back.

So I started to look up similar stories on blogs and social media in general, all of a sudden I didn’t feel so alone in my journey anymore. Even though, my husband, sister, and mother were so supportive, no one really knew what was going on in my head or how to help me (when in reality I should’ve looked for professional help). So I found comfort in strangers sharing their stories through a positive outlet. 

Seeing people on social media and in my life, live their life to the fullest gave me hope and excitement. Instead of feeling jealous, I was happy. For the first time in a long time I was very happy. So I started researching more ways to find my own sense of happiness, since I wouldn’t have the exact time I needed to draw and paint after becoming a mother. I needed so desperately to keep up this artistic creative part of me alive, that would always find a way back into my life.

And writing always found a special time and place in my heart, no matter how busy I was. I always found the time to write ideas or plain journaling. Reading people’s blog helped so much, that I always wondered what would happen if I had a blog.

So it clicked!

But then fear kicked in and I didn’t do anything for a long time.

I let months go by, my entire second pregnancy even and to top it all, I had an extreme amount of insecurities and self-doubt. “How will I find the time? I don’t know how to do it? What if no one reads it! I’m a stay at home mom with no personal income? The industry is supersaturated, how can I be any different? Etc.” Freak out to the extreme, and the funniest part was that it was just thoughts. I didn’t even put it into action and I was already freaking out and finding excuses of why it would go wrong. Ever happen to you?

That’s why my husband and sister, through much encouragement and love, helped me to finally start because sometimes we need a little nudge. Even though a lot of people don’t have family or friends who are there for them emotionally or physically. You too can accomplish this and so much more even without your family’s support.

“ I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela

As a young mother, I was afraid of losing myself in the process of motherhood. Trying to be perfect, perfect wife, perfect mother, perfect daughter, perfect everything. It was draining and sad to let my essence go in pursuit of trying to make everyone happy. Now that I have yet another creative outlet outside of painting, makeup and dance. It feels as though my center, core or soul, however you call it, are aligning back together again. Because for the first time in years, I’m starting to feel like myself again through my creativity. Being able to share it with others and inspire is a plus. 

This blog is intended to be a creative, safe, and happy environment. Where you can practice your creativity through anything that makes your soul happy. How to know what makes your soul happy?Simple!

Read more here, where I talk about this specifically.

 While searching online everyone says to follow a niche, whether its cooking, painting, beauty, makeup, mommy blog, etc. I didn’t feel like I could choose, it’s so hard to choose! Why can’t we be creative in everything that makes us happy. Why only be defined as a mother or artist, when we can do and be more. It feels as though, through gaining a new responsibility in life, whether a job, house, college, or becoming a mother. We need to take it in fully and only that, when we can do many things at a time. While still functioning in life but just so much happier and fulfilled. 

Have you ever felt that way? Now that there is a new part of you, the solution becomes having to let go of something that makes you happy for something else that also makes you happy, ugh!

And for those of you that say time is an impediment, I write this blog once a week at midnight. When both my daughters are asleep and my personal space is calm. Schedule and give yourself time for that one thing or many things that make you happy. If it’s about the money, so much content is absolutely free and valuable online or local community center. You just have to look.

So here goes my blog out of love and gratitude. I hope you can be inspired and find through my journey, the courage to live your life to the fullest because no harm comes out of it. Find your creative outlet and be fabulous while doing it.

Take time to make your soul happy,

Mariana Laabs